HOT

SO, here it is the end of August. . . time too cool down and begin thinking about fall crops. Over the past ten days or so I have put out flats of cabbage and broccoli, onions, leeks, and more. I have direct seeded my turnips, carrots and beets. . . then, today, I am working away and was swamped with work when somebody mentions how hot it is outside. . . .

I take a look at the temp and its a mighty 104

No sprinkler left on the garden to cool it down . . . . no deep watering the night before . . .

I came home to find my carrots, beets and turnips fried and gone.

Alas. . . .we may have no fall veggies. I will try to replant after the heat wave but that is pushing us really close. This weekend we are fishing and camping so I don't think its going to happen until early next week.

Well, there is always spinach and lettuce and. . . .chard. .. . .lots of chard lol!

Mind wandering over salsa

Today I was canning salsa, and it gave my mind time to wander. . . which as you will see later isn't such a good thing . . . but it really got me to thinking about my life now, where I am, where I am going, and where I thought I would be. I find that lately I have been reflecting more then I have at any other time of my life. I think I am quite uncomfortable with it honestly.

I turned 34 a week ago. I took it really hard, not because I am getting older. I have no real fears of growing old or death. My heart is heavy though because I realize that I am not where I wanted to be, and in many ways, the years I had hoped for are gone. I can't really do what I wanted. . . and my dream has to change.

I never wanted a degree, I never wanted to be a career woman, I never wanted to have alot of money or a fancy car. My dream, as long as I can remember, was a few acres with a barn, a cow or two, some chickens, big gardens, clotheslines, playing with my children and a good strong husband to come home to. I had that dream for awhile, when I was married and homeschooled my children. I felt blessed to have baby four and baby five enter my life. I thought I was in utopia, until it fell apart . . . anyway. . . . After that no option existed to stay in the marriage and I knew someday I would want to buy a home again. That left me with one option . . . get a degree and be able to support myself better then I was doing.

The first summer or two after my divorce were so painful. I was living in an apartment with my kids, they had begun going to public school, my babies were in daycare and I was working three jobs while going to school. I would see plants and seeds and gardening items hit the store and would literally avoid going anywhere near them because I missed it so badly that it hurt. I will never forget that feeling of dread in my stomach, not wanting to look, not wanting to remember all that I had lost. I would reel in the pain of it. At least those days are done . . . I absolutely love my garden now, and have been able to let the earlier pain go. . . . usually.

I guess graduating from college gave me all this extra *time* that I haven't had in years. That time gave me the opportunity to reflect, and keep reflecting on what I want. I realize I went through the phase of hating men . . . . *sorry to any male reading this* and I went through my phase of trying to spend alot of money on clothing and vacations to convince myself that I was successful. I went through the phase of deciding to move far away and start all over. . . . and when all was said and done. I still want the same thing. A loving man and a home in the country.

What is particularly difficult is realizing that while I was chasing dreams and fantasies. . . my children have grown up. Jayme is gone from the home, the others are 14 and 15 . . . soon to be out the door. Hannah and Jake are going to be 7 and 9 this year. Time flew . . . where was I? And while that time flew, I grew. . .. I got healthier, I got a degree, I became self sufficient. However I still come home to an empty bed. I don't have anybody to spend my weekend with or cook for. Nobody to make love to, nobody to make plans with.

It hurts. It is a cold feeling to realize how alone you truly are in this world. Sometimes I wake at night and all I can think about is what to do next. Do I buy my cabin on 3 acres here? Go to Eugene? Alaska? What do I do?

And sometimes, the thought of always doing it alone just makes it worse. Recently an old love of mine appeared in my life again. I had a fleeting moment of hope that he was going to come back. We talked about food and country life. I dared to dream. I held a hope . . . and just like that he was gone again. Sometimes, it just hurts.

The feminist in me wants to kick myself in the ass and say I don't need a man to pursue my dream with. I can do this alone with my kids and build my own dream however the hell I want. The woman in me aches for a love though. I'm not quite sure what to do with that.

That is about as far as I got before my salsa mishap. Oy! By the way, this is absolutely the best salsa I have ever had in my life anywhere ever. . . e v e r ! ! !

So, I start chopping onions, peppers, tomatos, cilantro you name it. . . and it all has to boil for 10 minutes in the pot. . . simple enough right. . . here is that pic.



Now, after ten minutes of boiling, you have to take the hot jars out of the boiling water (I just keep them in the canner until ready to use). As I was moving the hot jars to the counter to be filled and sealed. . .. I dropped a jar, I dropped a BIG jar, into a boiling hot pan of salsa. I will not repeat here what I said as salsa flooded the kitchen, and. . . unfortunately . . . me. Here is that pic!



In the end, I escaped for the most part with only a few blisters *gross painful ugly nasty blisters* on my arm. I immediately ran for the cold water but, it still hurts. However, the 1/4 jar of salsa that was leftover has been promptly eaten. The other ten jars are cooling. I couldn't be happier with the salsa but. . .. once again . . . OUCH!

Pickling memories

Thursday I had the afternoon off of work. I had taken Makiah to summer camp and thought it was going to take the bulk of the afternoon but it didn't. It was such a sweet send off though! The camp is for girls ages 12-16 and is a 'coming of age' type of camp. At the send away ceremony all the girls, parents, mentors, board members and community members made a large circle. We all did a check in on how we were feeling I said I was grateful, Makiah said she was unique, it was pretty cool. After that, the girls said good-bye to their parents and stepped into the center ring together. The parents took one step back and community members stood in the center to signify the anchors for the girls as they begin to seperate from the parents and caregivers. It was powerful. . . . the girls all then walked in a circle to see the love and support they had, then it was OFF they go! I am sure she is having the most amazing time of her life. . . . in some ways I am jealous that I am not there to be a part of it all, but I think she needed time without mom over her shoulder.

I left and went to a used bookstore, they were having a great sale so I wound up with six books to pacify me for the next month until it is time to go back to school . . .. arghhhhhhh It has been SO nice to have teh summer off!

After that I decided I had enough time to make pickles, as the cucumber vines were getting way too heavy with cukes. SO . . . here was the rest of the afternoon in pictures. . . funny how one thing leads to another. It began so innocent, I was going to make one. .. O N E batch of pickles (that is 7 jars to non-canners)

Here is how it ended up . . .



Gather two kids and a five gallon bucket. Tell the kids to pick the big cucumbers off the vine . . . . gather the last of the garlic braid from the garden and the bundle of dill you bought at farmers market because you were woefully unable to grow dill this year in your garden . . . .

Wash the cukes, cut both ends off, seperate them into a big cukes and not so big cukes. Spend ten minutes pondering what the cut off point is for a big versus little cuke. Give up and realize that the beauty of homemade pickles is that it really just does not matter. . . Begin stuffing cukes into jars and rapidly realize you have far more then 7 jars of pickles. . .. rush to the shed and find more jars as fast as you can. . . because now you have more to wash and sterilize.

Look at the clock and realize that dinner is now going to be far later . . . .

When you are done packing and processing your 17 jars of pickles, realize that maybe its ok because they look absolutely delicious. Decide that one jar should go in the fridge right away!

Then . . . realize that you still have a bucket of blackberries that need processed. Consider baking a pie but then reconsider . . . . because the canner is already hot . . . . jars are already sterilized. . . make another 6 jars of blackberry jelly to go with the 12 yo already have. . . .

Then, realize that you still have blackberries but not enough for a full batch. Raid the fridge and find the cup of blueberries stuffed in the back . . . . raid the garden and find the handful of missed strawberries. . .. mix them all together and figure if it blows. . . it will still make good syrup for pancakes .. . . process another 6 jars of jelly . . .

Look at them lining up and console yourself knowing that about February. . . . your going to be very happy that those berries are still in use . . .

When you are all done, be grateful that you have another 30ish jars for the cupboard. . . .

What is funny, is that as I was processing this food, I was thinking alot. I reflected on my marriage and how it always felt so good to be preserving food and doing my part to contribute to my family. My husband loved to come home and see the jars out, he built me a large pantry to hold soups, veggies stews and salsa. I loved the homey feeling of working all day to see something at the end of it. I knew that my work in the garden and kitchen was providing security.

I was reflecting on this, because as a single woman sometimes I wonder if it is worth it. I know it is monetarily, I know it is healthier for my kids, and I don't mean just canning . . . . I mean growing food, preserving, cooking from scratch, baking bread, clipping coupons, the whole . . . . simple and frugal lifestyle. Sometimes though it feels like it is pointless . . . .

Right about the time I reflected on that my mother came to visit. For anybody who knows me, they know that my mother and I have a very rocky relationship that isn't very nice at times. There is alot of years of pain behind the relationship . . . . but that is a story for another time. Anyway, she came into the house as I was taking a batch out. As the lids began popping, my mom got all teary eyed. She began to talk about how she misses canning and how she loved that sound. It made her feel secure knowing that was one more jar sealed off for the winter.

In that moment. . . it made it worth it. I found something valuable and good that I have got from my mother . . . . and in that moment I brought back pleasant memories for her. That made the whole day worth it.

My Birthday present

I turned the ripe ole age of 34 this year. The kids had asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I really couldn't think of anything. Honestly I have everything I could ever want and need. Then, I though of something . . . . I said I really wanted a nice picture of all five kiddos together. I forgot after that and didn't give it much of a thought.

So, on Sunday my oldest daughter asked me to come over for a bbq. I went over and there in the backyard was a brand new picnic table! I was so excited because I have wanted one for quite awhile and it is so practical! We eat outside alot in the summer because it is usually cooler.

After that, the kids were still giddy with excitement. I couldn't figure out what was going on and then they brought me a present. It was pretty and pink with a big bow. . . and inside was a photo album. As I opened te first page I saw a photo so amazing I caught my breath. All five of my beautiful children were in a row on the grass. . . smiling at me. I could feel the tears begin as I went through page after page of photos of my children. This was the absolute most amazing gift they could give me!

The story was even funnier! After I said that, Jayme (my oldest) remembered the girl who did her senior photos. This is a young girl who is just starting and very reasonable in prices. They set up an appointment for her to do a photo shoot and my mom helped gather all five kids together. Then, my oldest bought matching tank tops for each girl and new shorts for Jake so they could all have a similar look. The day of the shoot I was working and they told me they went to the lake for the day.

Now, that day I got home from work and nobody was here. I called to check in and Jayme told me they were on their way home. Usually that is an hour drive. Then about ten minutes later she said they had just passed Eagle Point, that didn't make any sense to me, but I didn't think about it. Apparently she had them down at my moms house and made everybody change into bathing suits and grab towels and get grubby so they looked like they were at the lake. I never even had the slightest guess!!!!

SO, all the pictures aren't on disk yet. . . .but I wanted to share a few of my favorites so far. .


Makiah, Katie, Jacob, Jayme, and Hannah

Hannah and Jacob

Oh to be eight years old again!!!

My oldest three beautiful amazing daughters!

Garden woes

This has been the craziest garden year. My plants are doing amazing. . . Here is a snapshot of two different beds. I have cucumbers galore, but never enough at one time for a full batch of pickles (except bread and butter when I add a ton of onions) My tomato's are huge, te picture doesn't do justice, but I am only getting 2-3 red ones each day. I also realize that several of my veggies are morphing into strange things. . .

This far bed against the fence is just cucumbers with one lone tomato plant that popped up in the corner. No tomatos from it yet but tons of green ones! The bed next to it is green beans, tomatos, basil and oregano. Today I planted a bunch of fall peas in it, I know. . . . doesn't look like there is any room there huh! Hopefully the beans and tomato's will be gone in time for the peas, and then I will fill the bed with onions and leeks I have growing from seed.



Chard. . . I have so much Chard I don't know what to do with it anymore! I have chopped it to the ground and it comes right back! I am waiting to wake up with a giant chard plant in my room!!!! This bed has chard, zucchini, cabbage, tomatos and basil in it. Oh, and a little bit of green beans. I cleaned alot of cabbage out for the corn relish so it has freshly seeded turnips and beets in the empty spaces now

Seriously, as to the Chard . . . any recipes would be welcome!

A beautiful red tomato. . .. was wonderful for the BLT's we had for dinner that night !!!!

Any clue what these tomato's are? I can't find the tag, they weren't from seed. They have a strange sorta upside down cone shape? Almost remind me of old fashioned Christmas bulbs. None what turned red yet . . . so I have no idea the color or taste but I haven't seen one like this before!

Hard to see from this post, but this is a vine from a lemon cucumber. Very few cucumbers from it this year so far but the vine here is about 2 inches wide and has a huge flowery thing on the end. I have never seen this before. . .. very very strange!

So far, things are going well though, we have fresh veggies every day. Right now we are bringing in chard (obviously!) a few last onions, cucumbers, tomatos, green beans, zucchini, yellow crookneck squash, herbs, and still have garlic from the harvest last year. I have several flats that are full of broccoli, cabbage, onions, lettuce, cauliflower and leeks for the fall. This weekend I direct seeded rutabaga, peas, beets and carrots for the fall garden. I forgot spinach though! yikes!

Family came to visit!

Sometimes, as a single mother, I get so caught up in everything I forget the good things. I forget about family, or about how fun it is to see somebody you haven't seen in a long time. Every day is the rush to get up, get kids to daycare, get to work . . . work 9 hours, rush to daycare, get home and make dinner, get the baths, get everybody settled and then do it again . . . OY!

SO, last weekend when my aunt and uncle from California made a surprise trip up, it was pretty exciting to just spend time with them and have a leisurely breakfast. I wanted to post some pics when I found these other two as well . . . family . . .. thats what this is all about huh?



Jake hanging up the laundry to be helpful. He always does things for me . . . . Hes a great guy!



I walked into the girls room just in time to see all four of my daugters hanging out having a good time together. They are in this order Makiah (13) Jayme (19) Hannah (8) and Katie (15) . I was an only child so, seeing them together like this brings joy to my heart. They will never know the lonely times . . . . even if they do claim they drive each other crazy lol!

My grandson Gabriel. Hamming it up for the camera!

My Aunt Debbie (in pink) and my mom Cheryl (in the brown) at breakfast last Sunday

My Uncle Dale and I, with Gabe curled on me. This was before the discussion about how everybody can pull themselves up by their bootstraps . . .. I love him, even if he is as redneck as they come. Maybe its good I see him once a year!

Canning is a lost art . . . Why?

I have always been a canner, I grew up around it and as a kiddo, it was exciting to get to sit in the room with the adults and hear the conversation, so it was well worth the hours of cherry pitting or peach peeling! As an adult, I naturally continued to do it. Over the years I find that people often are very surprised when I mention canning. They ask if its safe or why I would can. I think for me, it is about the cost savings, about knowing what is going into my family but it also is about security for me. If all else fails there is something in the cupboard. My kids don't realize that the times they had pancakes with apple butter (a treat!) or applesauce and pickles for dinner it was because I had a particularly difficult month and that's what is in the cupboard!

Canning is fun for the family. Today we were making corn relish (canning) and freezing corn. Hannah (8) and Jake (6) were shucking corn, Katie (15) was busy chattering about what classes to take in school and what sports to do to keep herself busy, Makiah (13) was busy rinsing the corn and running the husks to the compost. It was fun, a fun, simple, economical family project. And, when they have chicken with corn relish on top this winter, they will remember where that came from!

And, of course, it is economical. I can't argue that. I would guess if one was to buy all of the produce at the supermarket to can, it wouldn't be. Using a garden and good sales, well, it is far less expensive. My budget took a hit of about 700 a month this month (Ouch!). My exhusband decided to have another child, and so our child support dropped. Lovely. I won't even go there though. Anyway, putting up produce will help us down the road immensely!

There are some who say that by gardening year round there is no need to preserve, however, if you have kids, you have Peanut Butter and Jelly! You have pancakes and waffles and cobblers, you have loads of pickles. . .. its kid food! SO, I do garden year round and always have some sort of veggie, but its always nice to have canned tomatos or jelly in the cupboard at a moments notice.

So, here are just a few snapshots of this years work so far.





12 Jars of Corn Relish. This is super yummy over grilled chicken or even baked chicken. Then there are four jars of pineapple zucchini jam. Sounds strange but I had to do something with the extra zucchini, I was running out of options. These were done today along with four loaves of Zucchini bread and a dozen muffins.

16 pints of blueberry lime jam. Strange combo I know but they were yummy! The kids have already gobbled up two jars! Blueberries were on sale for 3.88 for four pounds. So, 16 jars cost me about 6.00. Not a bad deal!

12 Jars of bread and butter pickles. Kids will eat these like crazy. If I open a jar at dinner, I gurantee its gone! These cukes came from the garden so it was cost of vinegar (maybe a buck?) and onions (half of which came from the garden) so, maybe 2.00?

Also had 6 jars of zucchini relish, all the stuff came from the garden here too, other then vinegar. Not sure how much they would have been ? .25 a jar?

"end of garden pickles" these are primarily mixed veggies. The carrots and peppers I had bought, everything else was from the garden, the garlic, zucchini, onion, beans, and squash. These are pretty darn good . . .

Here's a bunch of it together, from one batch. Many more to come before summer is over. We seem to have a late start for alot of stuff here this summer. I am getting red tomatos but never more then 3 a day or so. My cucumbers are slow, but other things like my chard are going NUTS. I don't know what to do with it all lol!